One year. Yes, one year we’ve been in this place. This place that grows so much green, this place where fireflies are a staple of summer, and where words are more often spoken in a slow, sweet accent. This state, with its beautiful, rolling hills and definite four seasons has so much to love about it (except maybe the humidity;), and this place is where my boys have finally gotten to know cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents that they mostly knew from video chat & a couple visits a year.
As grateful as I am to live here, I must admit this year has not been easy. When you sell your collected life to strangers and friends, and give most of the rest of it away, to follow a dream. . .a dream that doesn’t turn out quite like you though it would. . .that dream can quickly change to discouragement, doubt, and fear. When the job opportunities don’t work out, the desire to return to shepherding God’s people seems unreachable, and hope shrinks thin. . .the heart cries out, oh, God, are you still there? Can’t you see what is happening to us?! And, then, He reaches down and shows His grace. . .maybe not in the way we had hoped or expected. . .sometimes at the very last minute. . .but He is always there.
And then, again, I am humbled, reminded, re-taught the love and mercy of our gracious God. My unbelief is no match for His trustworthiness My fear is so pitiful in the light of His care for me. My doubt that He is really there and listening is proven wrong again. . .and for that I am grateful.
And then, the thoughts come. . .when will I finally get this right? When will I really trust without doubt?! And then, sweetly and quietly, the answer is there. . . I won’t. I can’t. Every untrusting, doubting, fearful thought shows me over and over again that I cannot even trust without His grace.
And so, here we are, one year in. I had hoped to have a triumphant story to tell you of how we gave so much up, but then, amazingly, we found the perfect ministry, moved into the perfect cottage with a picket fence, and replaced all we gave up with more and better things. Instead, I have a small, grace-filled story about still living in my parents home, and daily trusting God with our needs and our future. But, maybe that’s the point of all this. Through our smallness, God’s greatness shines brightest. God’s love and glory was shown through a small baby being born in a humble stable. . .God used a humble woman named Esther to save a whole nation. . .and maybe in some way, God can use our small story to encourage you. Today. Wherever you are. He is greater than our doubts, fears, and smallness. . .and He loves to use our weakness to shine His strength and glory brightly to the world. And Him. . .He’s really the one this life is all about, anyway.
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P.S. S. All photos in this post taken with my iPhone 5.
Located near Nashville, Tennessee (and available for travel), Amy Law is a newborn and family photographer, who specializes in lifestyle photo/video fusion. Please consider using Felicity Photos for your next portrait session!